The moment I had my child, multiple people added me to parent pages.
Like a right of passage, suddenly I was part of this media cult where discussions like what organic lotion to let your kid wear, strollers to sell, and play dates.
After two years of being a part of these groups I realized they weren’t my support group but simply my entertainment.
I’m a stay at home mom. I don’t watch soaps. I read idiotic posts by stupid parents.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have a well networked group of mommies to talk to, but I’ve seen the stamp marks of what makes a parenthood group simply asinine.
The parent who asks medical questions:
I’m not talking about the ones who need tips on getting their baby over a cold, or home remedies for eczema. They’re the ones who say “Tommy won’t stop bleeding after falling out of a moving vehicle. What should I do?”
Dear God woman! Take him to a hospital!
If your kid has a serious injury, an unexplained rash/skin peeling, or has any symptoms that pediatricians label as red flags, a Facebook group isn’t the place to go. Unless you want your kid dead, don’t do it.
The parent who scares everyone:
I’m talking about the ones that love to spread panic attacks. With their “factual” articles;
“If you don’t attend to your child, they will become serial killers
If your child drinks apple juice they will develop ADHD and die from arsenic.
If you don’t put tin FOIL hats on your head, your children will be abducted by aliens!”
As if being a parent isn’t scary enough! This lady wants to just watch the world burn!
Not to mention, none of the articles are scholarly, but we all know Wikipedia is practically the smartest thing ever!
The parent who advertises:
I’m all for supporting other businesses, especially mothers who are trying to be able to afford shopping at Target, but last time I checked, the group said “emotional support” not “business support”. I didn’t join this group to become your Mary Kay buddy. Why can’t there be a “no soliciting” sign on this stuff?
The parent who doesn’t stop complaining:
It’s ok to vent. Sometimes you need to get something off your chest and get a little TLC from other parents, but after everyone has told you “don’t worry! It’ll get better!” “My kid didn’t use the potty till he was 16 years old either!,” it’s time to stop giving more examples of how hard you have it. Yes it’s hard being a parent, but if 12 people have given you the same message that everything is going to be ok, it’s time to get off the iPad, put on your big girl panties, and move on.
The parent who asks for a play date but doesn’t commit:
Why are you asking if anyone wants to join you at zoo and then change your mind after a few parents agreed to meet? Were you looking for someone better? Gwyneth Paltrow perhaps?
The parent who asks everyone to do a fitness challenge:
Plank challenge? Paleo diet?
Can someone create a “Krispy Kreme Kegel” challenge? I would totally rock that plan.
Mother Beerist 
I completely agree! As an RN I get so frustrated by the “studies” that are passed off as science, even when they refute actual science.
You make mE giggle but so right! Want to challenge me to a Elsa sing off? 😛
I know you’re joking about the plank challenge and the paleo diet, but as a paleo enthusiast I feel I need to defend what paleo stands for as it’s often misunderstood.
The point of the Paleo diet is, and I feel some people forget this, to not only diet, but to eat delicious foods at the same time. It’s the only diet I’ve come across that cuts out food groups, yet still focusses on everyone’s need to eat great food.
I’m a real foodie, and would not survive on any other diet, but Paleo has been very good for me. I’ve written about one of my favourite cookbooks: http://cookbook-reviews.net/review-the-paleo-recipe-book/
Couldn’t agree more with everything!!!!
…what day does this Krispy Kreme Kegel Challenge start?? Count me in haha